Month: October 2012

Choices

Recently, my husband and I were in a counselor’s appointment with my middle son. He has been struggling and we were all looking for a little guidance. The counselor told our son he is at a crossroads and now must make a choice on what kind of person he wishes to become. He can go down a dark path, feeling as though everyone is out to get him, lashing out because he feels angry and alone, and dwelling on the perceived unfairness of life, or he can choose to focus on building his strengths, moving his life forward, maybe outside his comfort zone, and make a choice not to feel like a victim.

This made me think of the choices we all have every day. I hear people say they “don’t have a choice” or he/she “made me” do something, but the reality is we always have a choice. One of the most important choices we have is how we react when other people’s actions affect us.  This could be as simple as choosing to ignore a friend or colleague when they behave rudely, or as difficult as choosing not to play the role of victim when a spouse seeks to end a marriage. When a marriage ends, it seems to create an endless stream of choices, thrust upon us at a time when we are at our most vulnerable and scared.  What’s next? Which lawyer do I choose? Is mediation an option? Who gets what? Where to live? What about the children? The list goes on and emotions run very high, possibly clouding the choices available to us along the way. We can choose to react from a place of pain and hurt, lashing out at a spouse who no longer chooses to share a life with us. Or we can nurture ourselves, and make the difficult choice to try to resolve each of the upcoming issues with respect for those we have loved or who have loved us.

I feel certain, in time my son will make the right choice. He has already taken steps toward improving his life. I believe it can be empowering to “take the high road” and try our best to make choices from a place of knowledge and compassion, rather than choose to strike out from a place of pain and emotional reaction. What choices will you make today?

by Kathleen F. Abbott, NCCP

It’s Not Over ‘Til It’s Over

In North Carolina, parties can’t typically appeal decisions of a Trial Court until the Trial Court has addressed all the pending issues.  In the family law context, that means, until the Trial Court has resolved each claim for relief, including claims for attorney fees, it is not time to appeal.  There are exceptions to this rule, but the exceptions are few.

The Court of Appeals has dismissed 2 appeals at our request, because issues remain for the trial court to decide in the case, in the same case!  The first appeal in our case was brought after a favorable ruling by the Trial Court on the date of marriage. (See N.C. Court of Appeals Opinions, 2008 unpublished opinions, Duncan v. Duncan), http://appellate.nccourts.org/opinions/

At the time of this appeal, the Trial Court had not yet ruled on equitable distribution, alimony and attorney fees.  The Court of Appeals dismissed the appeal.

The second appeal came after the equitable distribution trial, and after our client had been awarded alimony, but before her attorney fee claim had been resolved. (See N.C.Court of Appeals Opinions, 2012 Duncan v. Duncan), http://appellate.nccourts.org/opinions/

Again, the Court of Appeals has dismissed the appeal.

We expect a third trip to the Court of Appeals when the issue of attorney fees is resolved, when there will be no remaining issues for the Trial Court to decide.

Katherine Fisher Leads Seminar at 1st Annual Women and Money Conference

On October 6, 2012, Katherine (Katie) Fisher taught a seminar titled “Nuts and Bolts of Divorce and Money” at the first Women and Money Conference, sponsored by OnTrack WNC’s Women’s Financial Empowerment Center (WFEC). In her session, Katie led participants in exploring the past, present and future of finances and divorce.